The Art of Going Downtown

There's two worlds we live in as a college student. There's the one where we study, hang out at the dorms, and drink discretely behind RA's backs (or in front of them in certain cases). We find ourselves frequently wearing sweats or hoodies just trying to stay awake through a three hour night class. We talk to our moms, ex bf/gf, and friends back home via Skype, text, or even sometimes by using the actual phone. This world is the nuts and bolts of the car. We need this world to keep us sane. For lack of a better term, we'll call this, the world of substantiality.

On the other side of the coin, there's a world we all live in that couldn't be further from what is described above. This is called the world of irrational reality. Gone are the sweats and hoodies and in are the designer jeans, flannels, and snapbacks. Modesty is out the window in the world of irrational reality. We drink to get drunk, we smoke to have fun (obviously not everyone, don't be so sensitive), and take more pictures in a six hour time frame then the whole week preceding the event.

This is not the time nor the place to go in to full detail about the two worlds we live in as college students. Rather it's the time to discuss a specific aspect I'm interested in right now. The topic of going out downtown. But first a little backstory:

Last night I was asked to go out with three friends (all girls - that's not weird right?) to a club or bars downtown. I'm not the biggest fan of the club scene for a few reasons but mostly because it's expensive and there's usually not enough girls around. It was raining and we had to wait outside in a large line for about an hour so that wasn't great. But overall I had a fairly good time. When I got home I was still hearing music in my ears, was deprived of a late hour food-run, and still somewhat drunk. I couldn't help but think, going downtown really is an art form. A lot of things have to go right for the night to be an ultimate success. Let's take a look:

What Must Go Right

1. Everyone in attendance must drink minimum 2 shots before entering a vehicle (obviously excluding the driver - DO NOT drink and drive, that shit's not cute and it doesn't make you look badass)
2. We must find at least decent parking
3. The wait to enter a club must be longer then 15 minutes, but shorter then 45
4. Everyone has to order at least one drink inside 
5. The designated driver must maintain control of all passengers at all times 
6. No one can cross that line and get too drunk
7. Everyone gets home safe - stopping for burritos optional

That's what I believe must go right in order for everyone to have a good time. Now, with that said it's going to take a hell of a lot more to drag me out to a club. My minimum requirements to get me out to a club is like a checklist. I require that 7 out of 10 be mentally checked off before I fully commit to attending. For the record, number four and number six are non-negotiable.

TO's Checklist for Various Downtown Activities

1. Again, everyone in attendance must drink minimum 2 shots before entering a vehicle
2. Everyone in our 'party' must be single 
3. A plan must be laid out before we leave
4. We can't have anyone who has current or past relationship drama 
5. Must be minimum 3 bros
6. Everyone must want to go out equally
7. Everyone must have at least 30 dollars they're willing to blow completely
8. Strip clubs have to at the very least be considered (or at worst, joked about)
9. It can't be raining
10. Everyone must want to 'cut a rug' 

The best thing about making the jump from going out to bars and house parties to going downtown is that the potential results are endless. Friendships change when you go downtown together. You think you're cool with one of your classmates? Wait until you bump in to them downtown. It will be the biggest dap half-hug since, hell maybe ever.

One might say, (read the following in your head as if it's that annoying kid in your class who you just can't stand even through everyone else seems to swear by them and insist how cool they are) "so if going downtown is soooo fun, then why don't people go more often?"

That's a good question. There are many reasons people don't, and shouldn't for that matter, go downtown regularly. The best ones are because it is financially irresponsible, hangovers suck, and sometimes it's hard to top great weekends on a weekly basis. Despite this, I would encourage everyone to rally their friends and go downtown at least once every six weeks. It's good for your soul and it's nice to escape to the irrational reality world, where anything is possible.

Before I leave you here today, I'd like to share with you some insight I've learned over the years. These are some warning signs that you must be weary of or else you're gonna have a bad time.

Potential Warning Signs

1. Never ever go downtown with the thought that you'll be able to sneak your 20 year old friend with the September birthday in - it's never worked, it never will
2. If a bro is checking his phone more then three times per half-hour, something is wrong
3. If you don't play YG in the car on the way downtown, you're not maximizing the potential fun you could be having
4. Going with girls who are just friends is ok, but keep low expectations - they always find a way ruin your time
• No girl ever stays in one place downtown longer then 2 minutes and 53 seconds (unless it's the bathroom)
• No girl that's your friend will let you grind on her
• And again, no girl that's your friend will ever let you grind on her (we all know it pops in to our head guys) 
5. Don't bring the friend who gets too drunk, you'll just end up cleaning up throw up, even if you swear you won't
6. Don't call out the guy who false claims hookup conquests or the amount he's drank, his time will come 

Well, that's about all I can handle for now. These are just a few quick notes from my book that's coming out next summer titled The Art of Going Out. It will be in a Barnes and Noble near you for merely $12.99.

Okay, you busted me...I was totally lying about the book.